This is a Saf&Dy Production. All characters yadda yadda yadda I don't really know why we bother any more, our heart's just not in it yadda yadda copyright blah.


*CHAPTER 1: the story begins

Joel: Logical.


All: ...logic?!

Crow: You had to say it, Joel! You've brought the curse down on
us all!

Joel: This can't be by Egyptlogic! She only does AoS!

Tom: ahhhh...we can relax again.

Crow: I wouldn't go that far, we've still got the rest of *this*
story to go.

*12:30 pm

Joel: It was time for lunch, and all the kids ran out onto the

*an excavation of archeologysts have been here for almost all the

Crow: Where?

Tom: Egy--

Crow&Joel: Don't say it!

*they have discovered a strange chamber, with nothing on it,

Tom: That is strange.

Crow: Yes, a little *too* strange.

*except a script, sealed in a box made of gold

Joel: Technically, if there is a box in it, then the room isn't
empty, right? Right?

*Have you found anything?- asks one of the archeologists

Tom: [Archaeologist] Specifically, my quotation marks.

*No- the other answers

Crow: [Other archaeologist] I have lost mine as well.  Perhaps
they are in another empty chamber.

*-Excpet this box, it has a message in it

Joel: Excpet--when you combine an arachnid with a Chia Pet!

Crow: Fun for the whole family!

*Can you read it?- asks again

Tom: [Archaeologist] Damn! I forgot my reading glasses!

*Yes- he answers

Joel: Well, don't leave us in *suspense*.  If you could call it

*the message goes like this:

Crow: And a one, two, a one two three four:

*When evil takes a human form
*Humanity will risk his orbe (life)

Joel: I don't know about you, but I ain't risking no orbe.

*And justice will be needed
*An the man who will receive it (power)

Tom: What exactly are the words in the brackets? The back-up

Crow: [Singing] la la la la lalala la!

*Justice will be at sight
*And from the big white moon light

Crow: [snickers]

Tom: What?

Crow: Just thinking of all the jokes I could make for "big white

*There will be a Cross knight

Tom: Weren't those the people in Indiana Jones and the Last

Crow: What would they be doing in a Sailor Moon fanfic?

Tom: I don't know, but it would be a hell of a crossover--"Sailor
Moon and the Temple of Doom".

Crow: [Familiar high pitched voice] Remember kids: always know
your way around hidden Nazi fortresses! Sailor Moon Says: Teehee!

*Washington DC: 10:20 am, a plane departs from an airport 

Joel: From an airport? Dear God, no!

Crow: What *is* society coming to?

*to head to Tokyo, and one of the persons the plane has

Tom: its nefarious clutches....

*is no ordinary man

Tom: He's a bird! He's on a plane! He's... 

*Well - he thinked 

Crow: He's obviously a thinkful man.

*-This is it, when I get to Tokyo I'll go with the others and
*well have a nice chance to defeat those pains on the (censored)

Tom: If the thinkful man has a pain on his [censored] it's
probably because he hasn't warmed up first.

Joel: Always have to remember to do those stretches.

Crow: Oh, I when you stretch before getting off the

Joel: Exactly.  Don't want to sprain anything.  Especially not my

*and then, I'll head to Hawaii for my vacations

Joel: Dude! Catch some wave!

Crow: Radical!

Tom: Dorks.

*Tokyo: 2:30, Usagi was heading to Rei's temple because Luna had
*something to tell them, 

Joel: Why didn't Luna just tell Usagi at home?

Crow: Because then there wouldn't have been a plot?

Tom: There's a PLOT?

Crow: It's *all* a plot!

Tom: The government is all out to get us!

Joel: Okay, would you two *Conspiracy Bots* calm down?!

*she was in a hurry so she had a big pieces of the pizza

*she was eating near the Game Crown Center

Tom: If she was in a *big* hurry, why would she be eating pizza?

Crow: When is Usagi going to give up pizza for the sake of a

Tom: Maybe that's the plot.  She chokes on pepperoni.

Crow: Yeah, and the pizza seller is actually from the Negaverse
and Usagi befriends the seller and arrests Brain and it's all up
to Penny to save the, wait, that's Inspector Gadget.

*Your late!- said Rei angry

Tom: Your badly written!- said Tom bored.

*Usagi swallowed all the piece of pizza "I was eating, Mamoru
*invited me to a slice of pizza" said chewing the BIG piece

Crow: Since when is Rei in front of the game center?

Joel: Since when is the pizza talking?!

*Well next time tell us, ok?- said Rei, so the girls entered to
*the temple 

Tom: But...they were in front of the game center!

Joel: It's not worth it, Tom.  Give it up.

*and there was Luna, near a big tree
*At last you'd come- Said Luna -Why you are som inmatue?

Joel: ...  that's a very good question.

Crow: And I'm sure there is a very good answer.  Not that I know
one, of course.

*I was eating a slice of pizza with Mamo-chan! said crying
*-Can't I just live a little?

Tom: Who's crying?

Crow: I am, just reading this.

*"We have more important things to do girls, now look at this"
*Said Luna showing the newspaper wich saying about the discovery
*of the script in Egypt 

Crow: Oh! I get it! The dialogue has been so bad because the
*script* was in *Egypt!*

Joel: Convenient excuse.  A little *too* convenient.

*"So what?" said Usagi "Is just an old and dirty script"

Tom: I think that sums up our opinions.

Joel: Maybe this is an improv sailormoon episode.

Crow: I'd like to see Usagi do a *hoe-down*.

*Is not just a script- Responded Ami 
*-Is a very important discovery for humanity and for us, 

Tom: So, read it you must.  So less painful this story will be.

Crow: Read or read not.  There is no try.

*is like a prophesy of...

Joel: was just on the tip of my tongue...

*In that moment 3 strange men appeared 

Crow: [First strange man] Excuse me, we're looking for Bethlehem,
and we took a wrong turn somewhere...

Tom: [Second strange man] Hey, where's Shemp?

Joel: [Third strange man] One for all and all for one!

*"you!" said one of them

Crow: No, me!

Tom: He was talking to me!

Crow: He so was not! Me!

*"Me?" Responded Usagi

Joel: [Strange men] No, not you.  We mean Ami.  What, you think
just because you're Sailor Moon everything is about you?

*"Yes you!, we want the silver crystal now!",

Crow: [As Usagi] No! You can't have it! ::pouts:::

*then Usagi looked at them angryli 

Joel: I'll give them the frowning of a life-time!

*"who are you?" asked Usagi

Tom: They haven't been formally introduced.

*"I'm Sailor Blade"  

Crow: Would that be Sonya? :::rrrr:::

Joel: They're guys, remember?

Crow: Oh, yeah.  Damn.

*"I'm Sailor Nature"   "And I'm Sailor Doom", 

Tom: Sailor Nature, huh? 

Crow: That sounds pretty *flowery*.

Tom: Yeah, he sounds like a *pansy*.

*"how can they be male sailor senshis?" said Makoto. 

Crow: Maybe they're not.  Maybe...they're cross-dressers!

Tom: Male impersonators!

Joel:, I know this sounds a little far out, but 
*maybe* they start out as guys but transform into girls.

Crow: Oh, no way, Joel.  That couldn't happen.  Not even the 
Japanese are *that* weird.

*Then the 3 senshis attacked the others and kidnaped Usagi so
*they can have the silver crystal for themselves, the girls were
*unconscess, so 5 men appeared and helped the senshis putting
*them in a rest place

Joel: ...  let me get this straight: the three transvestite
senshi attacked the normal senshi, kidnapped Usagi, and then five
*more* strange men have shown up to put the four senshi left in a
nursing home?

Crow: I hope there's not going to be a test.

*"We just got to late" said Alex 

Tom: They missed the first half of the episode and they don't
have a script either, so they're completely lost.

Crow: Unlike us.  We have a *full* grasp of what's going on,
right, Joel?

Joel: Right.

All: [hysterical laughter]

*"Sailor moon is kidnaped and the senshis have been harmed, I
*don't deserve to be called Central Cross".

Crow: Actually, "Central Cross" is a pretty dumb name.  Let's
just keep calling him that as a punishment.

*"Yes you do" said Alec "and those renegade senshis will pay real
*hard for this, us, the Cross knights will never fail in this

Joel: The renegade senshi will pay real hard for them? 

Crow: We knew they were transvestites but I didn't realise that
their bows were tied in *that* kind of knot!

Tom&Joel: What?

Crow: Their skirts are facing *that* way!

Joel: We still have NO idea what you're talking about, Crow.

Crow: Their tiaras are crooked! Their lockets are fastened

Tom: What *are* you talking about?

Crow: [whispers to Tom]

Tom: *OOOOOHHHH*....I get it. [Whispers to Joel]

Joel: Oh.  I knew that.  Really.


Crow: Halleluia! 


Crow: D'oh!

Tom: Wait a second...didn't chapter two just end?

Joel: Try not to think about it.  I have a feeling it'll get 
worse, not better.

*After leaving the senshis in the restroom, 

Tom: Restroom? As in washroom? They left the senshi in the

Joel:'s original, at least.

Crow: Just where exactly is this mysterious washroom, anyway?

Joel: It's a mysterious washroom that only appears every so often
in the Scottish Highlands...

*the cross knights decided to go after the 3 senshis that
*attacked the others, they did their best, but somehow they

Crow: Maybe they fell through a hole in the plot.

*"We should split out so we can find them" said David

Joel: Who's David? Where'd he come from?

Crow: The Mysterious Floating Bathroom of Doom?

Tom: Yeah, maybe he's an attendent.

Joel: In the women's bathroom?

Tom: The French do it.

Joel: That doesn't make it any less weird.

Tom: Any less weird than what? A mysterious bathroom? Transvesite
scouts? Bizarre scolls in Egypt?

*"North Cross" said Alex 

Crow: Geshunteit.

Tom: Who's Alex? Another attendant?

Joel: Towel Boy.

*"We don't know a lot of Tokyo, maybe we should wait and think on
*a plan for defeat them"  So, they all returned to their homes
*(apartments) and they finally rested....But only one Cross
*knight stayed, Steve aka: West Cross, the Cross knight of fire.

Crow: So they don't all bunk in together? I'm shocked.  Shocked.

Tom: Even I'm surprised, the way this fic was going...

*"They better rest, they're too young for this" he said (he had
*the voice of Duke Nukem", 

Joel: Wouldn't that means he is Duke Nukem? Further more, why
would Duke Nukem be in a Sailor Moon fanfic, presiding over a
magic bathroom?

Crow: So many questions, so little hope.

*"I should start to get their asses kicked.........

Tom: ...right before I brush my teeth for the night...

*Weren't you suposed to be in home rich kid?" asked Steve

Joel: No, I have to stay here until I finish this fic.

*"Naaahhh!" Replied Alex "a Warfield never gives up, besides they
*are to dangerous for the senshis"

Crow: So they ARE bunking together!

*"Well" said Steve "If your in with me, your out for trouble"

Tom: You're also out for bad grammar and lousy spelling.

*And some minutes later, the senshis recouvered from the attack

Joel: Recouvered? Is that French?

Tom: As French as this fanfic.

Crow: Weird guys in bathrooms aside.

*"Ouch!" Said Usagi "what happended?"
*"the Cross knights saved you lives"  said Luna

Crow: How does she know?

Tom: I have a more pressing point: wasn't Usagi kidnapped in the
previous Chapter Two?

Crow: Hey! Yeah!  That's right.  I wonder how the author is going
to explain this one.

Tom: Probably the same way they explain the other plot
incontinuities.  Not at all.

*"Who!?" Asked all of the girls

Joel: [as Luna] See that guy sitting in the corner stall reading
a paper? Him!

*"The Cross Knights, they are a sort of super-soldiers, 

Crow: ...except that they suck...

Joel: And their janitorial skills leave something to be

*I don't know nothing about them except that the have existed
*since the beggining of civilization" said Luna

Tom: If they've been around so long, you'd think that *something*
must be known about them.

Crow: Maybe Luna doesn't read the paper much.

*"And?" Asked Makoto "Are they the bad guys"

Joel: You'd have to define "bad".  Bad as in evil, no.  Bad as in
lame, yes.

*"No, we actually want to protect you from theexiled senshis"
*said Steve

Crow: Theexiled?

Tom: Textiles?

Joel: Tetanus?

Crow: Fiddle-dee-dee! This fic requires a tetanus shot!

Tom: It might be easier to just put it out of its misery.

Joel: Or ours.


Crow: Here you see the brain-o-graph of the author...

*Chaper III:

Tom: Chapter Three: Part One...

*-Cross Kninghts??- said Usagi Laughing

Joel: That's MS Laughing to you...

*-sounds like if you were from the crusades!HAHAHAH!..uhh?-,

Tom: Hahaha...what was I laughing at again?

*all of the cross kngihts were just too serius, especially steve. 

Joel: They need to lighten up.

Crow: This fic needs to lighten up, it's got dead weight.  If we
toss a few characters over-board, maybe that'll help.

*-Listen up little girl, or should we call you sailor moon?- said

Joel: [As Usagi] No, I said call me Ms. Laughing!

*Usagi was shcocked, and scared to death,

Tom: I'm quite shcocked myself, now that you mention it.

*she had always hidden her identity of sailor moon and they,
*after her friends they were the 1st who knew. 

Joel: Yes, I could see how somebody putting one and one

Crow: ...more like half and half...

Joel: Whatever! I'm just wondering why Usagi would be "scard to
death" that somebody had figured out SHE was the blond, six-foot
pig-tailed alter-ego of sailor moon.  I mean, half of Tokyo must
know by now!

Tom: Look at Superman.  Nobody guessed it was him behind those
glasses, did they? It's the same with Sailor Moon--the tiara
throws everybody off.

*-OH GOD! How you know I'm sailor moon??- asked Usagi. 

Crow: Oh God! Where did her quotation marks go?

*-Simple- said Alex -
*Luna's brother told us your identity as sailor moon and also as
*the senshis-.  Suddenly 4 of the senshis were ther, the cross
*knights were a bit nervous.

Joel: [As Cross Knight] Dude, do I have something stuck between
my teeth? 

*-I don't think I like this-said Alec, and then sailor jupiter
*made the 1st move,

Crow: I always figured that Sailor Jupiter would be the one to
make the first move.

Joel: Wow, I'm impressed.  No comments about how you'd like her
to make the first move on you?

Crow: I hadn't even thought of that one! Damn!

* and attacked Alex, but he suddenly punched her 
*in the stomach, grab her arm and bend it.
*-Trying to attack me?? we're the good guys! we saved her!- said

Tom: Not to mention we're the ones who stuffed you into a
mysterious bathroom! Oh, no, wait...forget I mentioned that.

*Makoto had found someone as strong as her 
* win, but can you let go off my arm??
* it really hurts!!- said Makoto, and he let her go, 

Joel: Wimp.

*but suddenly the sailor exlies were there and attacked the cross
*knights, but suddenly the same misterius man that weared white, 
*appeared and separated the sailor exiles.

Crow: The Glad Man saves the day once again!

*-I am Angel Cross!- said the man -Resistance is futile!-, 

Tom: I think that line's been taken already.

Joel: Puncuation is futile...grammar is will be
frustrated...We are the Bored...

*suddenly sailor blade attacked him but a strange thing
*happened...someone stoped the time, it was sailor pluto.

Crow: I feel like some one stopped time, and it's the author....


Tom: Wasn't that Chapter Two: Part Two?

Joel: No wonder it felt like we were missing stuff...a whole

*Chapter III:

Joel: Or maybe not.

*NOTE: sorry but I had a little problem in chapter one because it
*was supposed that Usagi was kidnapped, and in Chapter II she's
*with the ohters, sorry...Well let's get started

All: From the beginning?!

Crow: Dear God, no! No!

*After Usagi was kidnapped by the exiled senshis, 
*the cross knights were trying to find her.

Tom: Is she under this rock? Nope.  Under this one? Nope.

*"This is too hard!" shouted David "Looks like the ground
*swallowed her!", 

Joel: That's a great attitude to have, Mister! Maybe you should
just try a little harder!

*when suddenly saw that Sailor sabre was protecting Usagi.

Joel: There, see? She was only in plain sight.  And you wanted to
give up. :::sigh:::

*"Hahahahah, Cross knights! come on! be the next victims of
*Sailor sabre!" shouted sabre, and the fight began.


*David attacked sabre with a kick in the head, the others punched
*him and Alex got out a sword, "moon sword finish attack!" 
*and the attack wounded the evil Sailor sabre. 
*"Arrggghh! will.. diiiiieeeee!!!!!" and the

Tom: I'm melting...melltttingg.....

Joel: The banished? The banished what?

Crow: The poor banished spellcheckers...lost and alone...

*Then, Usagi back to concience, "Uh, who are you?" asked Usagi,
*"shh, you need to rest, you are too tired, let's just say we're
*alliads of you" said Alex, and so he took Usagi to Rei's temple.

Tom: Alliads? Do they mean aliens?

Joel: Illiads?

Crow: Alleys?

Tom: They're taking Usagi to a dark alley? They haven't really
been all that hospitable.

Joel: Well, they did take her to a mysterious bathroom in Chapter
2: Part Nine, and most girls don't get to see that until the
second or even third date.

*Near there, a man that had the same clothing that the cross
*knights but with a large, white cape was watching them through a
*window of a church.
*"We'll see you soon, Cross Knights" said the man. 

Crow: Not if I have anything to say about it!


Joel: You know, I kinda think it's appropriate that it ends with
the end of chapter one after starting on chapter three.  Or
possibly twelve.

Tom: Yeah, it's fitting that the end is just as confusing as the
story and leaves you with a queasy feeling that  there might be
more just up ahead.

Crow: Nope, I checked.  This is it.  This is....

The REAL End.