*THE HUNTERS OF SAILOR MOON *CHAPTER 1: the story begins Joel: Logical. *Egypt: All: ...logic?! Crow: You had to say it, Joel! You've brought the curse down on us all! Joel: This can't be by Egyptlogic! She only does AoS! Tom: ahhhh...we can relax again. Crow: I wouldn't go that far, we've still got the rest of *this* story to go. *12:30 pm Joel: It was time for lunch, and all the kids ran out onto the playground. *an excavation of archeologysts have been here for almost all the *day Crow: Where? Tom: Egy-- Crow&Joel: Don't say it! *they have discovered a strange chamber, with nothing on it, Tom: That is strange. Crow: Yes, a little *too* strange. *except a script, sealed in a box made of gold Joel: Technically, if there is a box in it, then the room isn't empty, right? Right? *Have you found anything?- asks one of the archeologists Tom: [Archaeologist] Specifically, my quotation marks. *No- the other answers Crow: [Other archaeologist] I have lost mine as well. Perhaps they are in another empty chamber. *-Excpet this box, it has a message in it Joel: Excpet--when you combine an arachnid with a Chia Pet! Crow: Fun for the whole family! *Can you read it?- asks again Tom: [Archaeologist] Damn! I forgot my reading glasses! *Yes- he answers Joel: Well, don't leave us in *suspense*. If you could call it that. *the message goes like this: Crow: And a one, two, a one two three four: *When evil takes a human form *Humanity will risk his orbe (life) Joel: I don't know about you, but I ain't risking no orbe. *And justice will be needed *An the man who will receive it (power) Tom: What exactly are the words in the brackets? The back-up singers? Crow: [Singing] la la la la lalala la! *Justice will be at sight *And from the big white moon light Crow: [snickers] Tom: What? Crow: Just thinking of all the jokes I could make for "big white moon". *There will be a Cross knight Tom: Weren't those the people in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? Crow: What would they be doing in a Sailor Moon fanfic? Tom: I don't know, but it would be a hell of a crossover--"Sailor Moon and the Temple of Doom". Crow: [Familiar high pitched voice] Remember kids: always know your way around hidden Nazi fortresses! Sailor Moon Says: Teehee! *Washington DC: 10:20 am, a plane departs from an airport Joel: From an airport? Dear God, no! Crow: What *is* society coming to? *to head to Tokyo, and one of the persons the plane has Tom: ...in its nefarious clutches.... *is no ordinary man Tom: He's a bird! He's on a plane! He's... *Well - he thinked Crow: He's obviously a thinkful man. *-This is it, when I get to Tokyo I'll go with the others and *well have a nice chance to defeat those pains on the (censored) Tom: If the thinkful man has a pain on his [censored] it's probably because he hasn't warmed up first. Joel: Always have to remember to do those stretches. Crow: Oh, I see...like when you stretch before getting off the couch. Joel: Exactly. Don't want to sprain anything. Especially not my [censored]. *and then, I'll head to Hawaii for my vacations Joel: Dude! Catch some wave! Crow: Radical! Tom: Dorks. *Tokyo: 2:30, Usagi was heading to Rei's temple because Luna had *something to tell them, Joel: Why didn't Luna just tell Usagi at home? Crow: Because then there wouldn't have been a plot? Tom: There's a PLOT? Crow: It's *all* a plot! Tom: The government is all out to get us! Joel: Okay, would you two *Conspiracy Bots* calm down?! *she was in a hurry so she had a big pieces of the pizza *she was eating near the Game Crown Center Tom: If she was in a *big* hurry, why would she be eating pizza? Crow: When is Usagi going to give up pizza for the sake of a mission? Tom: Maybe that's the plot. She chokes on pepperoni. Crow: Yeah, and the pizza seller is actually from the Negaverse and Usagi befriends the seller and arrests Brain and it's all up to Penny to save the day...no, wait, that's Inspector Gadget. *Your late!- said Rei angry Tom: Your badly written!- said Tom bored. *Usagi swallowed all the piece of pizza "I was eating, Mamoru *invited me to a slice of pizza" said chewing the BIG piece Crow: Since when is Rei in front of the game center? Joel: Since when is the pizza talking?! *Well next time tell us, ok?- said Rei, so the girls entered to *the temple Tom: But...they were in front of the game center! Joel: It's not worth it, Tom. Give it up. *and there was Luna, near a big tree *At last you'd come- Said Luna -Why you are som inmatue? Joel: ... that's a very good question. Crow: And I'm sure there is a very good answer. Not that I know one, of course. *I was eating a slice of pizza with Mamo-chan! said crying *-Can't I just live a little? Tom: Who's crying? Crow: I am, just reading this. *"We have more important things to do girls, now look at this" *Said Luna showing the newspaper wich saying about the discovery *of the script in Egypt Crow: Oh! I get it! The dialogue has been so bad because the *script* was in *Egypt!* Joel: Convenient excuse. A little *too* convenient. *"So what?" said Usagi "Is just an old and dirty script" Tom: I think that sums up our opinions. Joel: Maybe this is an improv sailormoon episode. Crow: I'd like to see Usagi do a *hoe-down*. *Is not just a script- Responded Ami *-Is a very important discovery for humanity and for us, Tom: So, read it you must. So less painful this story will be. Crow: Read or read not. There is no try. *is like a prophesy of... Joel: of...of...it was just on the tip of my tongue... *In that moment 3 strange men appeared Crow: [First strange man] Excuse me, we're looking for Bethlehem, and we took a wrong turn somewhere... Tom: [Second strange man] Hey, where's Shemp? Joel: [Third strange man] One for all and all for one! *"you!" said one of them Crow: No, me! Tom: He was talking to me! Crow: He so was not! Me! *"Me?" Responded Usagi Joel: [Strange men] No, not you. We mean Ami. What, you think just because you're Sailor Moon everything is about you? *"Yes you!, we want the silver crystal now!", Crow: [As Usagi] No! You can't have it! ::pouts::: *then Usagi looked at them angryli Joel: I'll give them the frowning of a life-time! *"who are you?" asked Usagi Tom: They haven't been formally introduced. *"I'm Sailor Blade" Crow: Would that be Sonya? :::rrrr::: Joel: They're guys, remember? Crow: Oh, yeah. Damn. *"I'm Sailor Nature" "And I'm Sailor Doom", Tom: Sailor Nature, huh? Crow: That sounds pretty *flowery*. Tom: Yeah, he sounds like a *pansy*. *"how can they be male sailor senshis?" said Makoto. Crow: Maybe they're not. Maybe...they're cross-dressers! Tom: Male impersonators! Joel: Maybe..now, I know this sounds a little far out, but *maybe* they start out as guys but transform into girls. Crow: Oh, no way, Joel. That couldn't happen. Not even the Japanese are *that* weird. *Then the 3 senshis attacked the others and kidnaped Usagi so *they can have the silver crystal for themselves, the girls were *unconscess, so 5 men appeared and helped the senshis putting *them in a rest place Joel: ... let me get this straight: the three transvestite senshi attacked the normal senshi, kidnapped Usagi, and then five *more* strange men have shown up to put the four senshi left in a nursing home? Crow: I hope there's not going to be a test. *"We just got to late" said Alex Tom: They missed the first half of the episode and they don't have a script either, so they're completely lost. Crow: Unlike us. We have a *full* grasp of what's going on, right, Joel? Joel: Right. All: [hysterical laughter] *"Sailor moon is kidnaped and the senshis have been harmed, I *don't deserve to be called Central Cross". Crow: Actually, "Central Cross" is a pretty dumb name. Let's just keep calling him that as a punishment. *"Yes you do" said Alec "and those renegade senshis will pay real *hard for this, us, the Cross knights will never fail in this *mission" Joel: The renegade senshi will pay real hard for them? Crow: We knew they were transvestites but I didn't realise that their bows were tied in *that* kind of knot! Tom&Joel: What? Crow: Their skirts are facing *that* way! Joel: We still have NO idea what you're talking about, Crow. Crow: Their tiaras are crooked! Their lockets are fastened improperly! Tom: What *are* you talking about? Crow: [whispers to Tom] Tom: *OOOOOHHHH*....I get it. [Whispers to Joel] Joel: Oh. I knew that. Really. *END OF CHAPTER TWO Crow: Halleluia! *CHAPTER 2: Crow: D'oh! Tom: Wait a second...didn't chapter two just end? Joel: Try not to think about it. I have a feeling it'll get worse, not better. *After leaving the senshis in the restroom, Tom: Restroom? As in washroom? They left the senshi in the BATHROOM? Joel: Well...it's original, at least. Crow: Just where exactly is this mysterious washroom, anyway? Joel: It's a mysterious washroom that only appears every so often in the Scottish Highlands... *the cross knights decided to go after the 3 senshis that *attacked the others, they did their best, but somehow they *disappear. Crow: Maybe they fell through a hole in the plot. *"We should split out so we can find them" said David Joel: Who's David? Where'd he come from? Crow: The Mysterious Floating Bathroom of Doom? Tom: Yeah, maybe he's an attendent. Joel: In the women's bathroom? Tom: The French do it. Joel: That doesn't make it any less weird. Tom: Any less weird than what? A mysterious bathroom? Transvesite scouts? Bizarre scolls in Egypt? *"North Cross" said Alex Crow: Geshunteit. Tom: Who's Alex? Another attendant? Joel: Towel Boy. *"We don't know a lot of Tokyo, maybe we should wait and think on *a plan for defeat them" So, they all returned to their homes *(apartments) and they finally rested....But only one Cross *knight stayed, Steve aka: West Cross, the Cross knight of fire. Crow: So they don't all bunk in together? I'm shocked. Shocked. Tom: Even I'm surprised, the way this fic was going... *"They better rest, they're too young for this" he said (he had *the voice of Duke Nukem", Joel: Wouldn't that means he is Duke Nukem? Further more, why would Duke Nukem be in a Sailor Moon fanfic, presiding over a magic bathroom? Crow: So many questions, so little hope. *"I should start to get their asses kicked......... Tom: ...right before I brush my teeth for the night... *Weren't you suposed to be in home rich kid?" asked Steve Joel: No, I have to stay here until I finish this fic. *"Naaahhh!" Replied Alex "a Warfield never gives up, besides they *are to dangerous for the senshis" Crow: So they ARE bunking together! *"Well" said Steve "If your in with me, your out for trouble" Tom: You're also out for bad grammar and lousy spelling. *And some minutes later, the senshis recouvered from the attack Joel: Recouvered? Is that French? Tom: As French as this fanfic. Crow: Weird guys in bathrooms aside. *"Ouch!" Said Usagi "what happended?" *"the Cross knights saved you lives" said Luna Crow: How does she know? Tom: I have a more pressing point: wasn't Usagi kidnapped in the previous Chapter Two? Crow: Hey! Yeah! That's right. I wonder how the author is going to explain this one. Tom: Probably the same way they explain the other plot incontinuities. Not at all. *"Who!?" Asked all of the girls Joel: [as Luna] See that guy sitting in the corner stall reading a paper? Him! *"The Cross Knights, they are a sort of super-soldiers, Crow: ...except that they suck... Joel: And their janitorial skills leave something to be desired... *I don't know nothing about them except that the have existed *since the beggining of civilization" said Luna Tom: If they've been around so long, you'd think that *something* must be known about them. Crow: Maybe Luna doesn't read the paper much. *"And?" Asked Makoto "Are they the bad guys" Joel: You'd have to define "bad". Bad as in evil, no. Bad as in lame, yes. *"No, we actually want to protect you from theexiled senshis" *said Steve Crow: Theexiled? Tom: Textiles? Joel: Tetanus? Crow: Fiddle-dee-dee! This fic requires a tetanus shot! Tom: It might be easier to just put it out of its misery. Joel: Or ours. *---------------------------------------------------------------- Crow: Here you see the brain-o-graph of the author... *Chaper III: Tom: Chapter Three: Part One... *-Cross Kninghts??- said Usagi Laughing Joel: That's MS Laughing to you... *-sounds like if you were from the crusades!HAHAHAH!..uhh?-, Tom: Hahaha...what was I laughing at again? *all of the cross kngihts were just too serius, especially steve. Joel: They need to lighten up. Crow: This fic needs to lighten up, it's got dead weight. If we toss a few characters over-board, maybe that'll help. *-Listen up little girl, or should we call you sailor moon?- said *Steve, Joel: [As Usagi] No, I said call me Ms. Laughing! *Usagi was shcocked, and scared to death, Tom: I'm quite shcocked myself, now that you mention it. *she had always hidden her identity of sailor moon and they, *after her friends they were the 1st who knew. Joel: Yes, I could see how somebody putting one and one together... Crow: ...more like half and half... Joel: Whatever! I'm just wondering why Usagi would be "scard to death" that somebody had figured out SHE was the blond, six-foot pig-tailed alter-ego of sailor moon. I mean, half of Tokyo must know by now! Tom: Look at Superman. Nobody guessed it was him behind those glasses, did they? It's the same with Sailor Moon--the tiara throws everybody off. *-OH GOD! How you know I'm sailor moon??- asked Usagi. Crow: Oh God! Where did her quotation marks go? *-Simple- said Alex - *Luna's brother told us your identity as sailor moon and also as *the senshis-. Suddenly 4 of the senshis were ther, the cross *knights were a bit nervous. Joel: [As Cross Knight] Dude, do I have something stuck between my teeth? *-I don't think I like this-said Alec, and then sailor jupiter *made the 1st move, Crow: I always figured that Sailor Jupiter would be the one to make the first move. Joel: Wow, I'm impressed. No comments about how you'd like her to make the first move on you? Crow: I hadn't even thought of that one! Damn! * and attacked Alex, but he suddenly punched her *in the stomach, grab her arm and bend it. *-Trying to attack me?? we're the good guys! we saved her!- said *Alex, Tom: Not to mention we're the ones who stuffed you into a mysterious bathroom! Oh, no, wait...forget I mentioned that. *Makoto had found someone as strong as her *-Allright..you win, but can you let go off my arm?? * it really hurts!!- said Makoto, and he let her go, Joel: Wimp. *but suddenly the sailor exlies were there and attacked the cross *knights, but suddenly the same misterius man that weared white, *appeared and separated the sailor exiles. Crow: The Glad Man saves the day once again! *-I am Angel Cross!- said the man -Resistance is futile!-, Tom: I think that line's been taken already. Joel: Puncuation is futile...grammar is pointless...you will be frustrated...We are the Bored... *suddenly sailor blade attacked him but a strange thing *happened...someone stoped the time, it was sailor pluto. Crow: I feel like some one stopped time, and it's the author.... *END OF CHAPTER III Tom: Wasn't that Chapter Two: Part Two? Joel: No wonder it felt like we were missing stuff...a whole chapter! *---------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- *Chapter III: Joel: Or maybe not. *NOTE: sorry but I had a little problem in chapter one because it *was supposed that Usagi was kidnapped, and in Chapter II she's *with the ohters, sorry...Well let's get started All: From the beginning?! Crow: Dear God, no! No! *After Usagi was kidnapped by the exiled senshis, *the cross knights were trying to find her. Tom: Is she under this rock? Nope. Under this one? Nope. *"This is too hard!" shouted David "Looks like the ground *swallowed her!", Joel: That's a great attitude to have, Mister! Maybe you should just try a little harder! *when suddenly saw that Sailor sabre was protecting Usagi. Joel: There, see? She was only in plain sight. And you wanted to give up. :::sigh::: *"Hahahahah, Cross knights! come on! be the next victims of *Sailor sabre!" shouted sabre, and the fight began. All: LET MORTAL KOMBAT BEGIN! *David attacked sabre with a kick in the head, the others punched *him and Alex got out a sword, "moon sword finish attack!" *and the attack wounded the evil Sailor sabre. *"Arrggghh!next...time..you will.. diiiiieeeee!!!!!" and the *banished. Tom: I'm melting...melltttingg..... Joel: The banished? The banished what? Crow: The poor banished spellcheckers...lost and alone... *Then, Usagi back to concience, "Uh, who are you?" asked Usagi, *"shh, you need to rest, you are too tired, let's just say we're *alliads of you" said Alex, and so he took Usagi to Rei's temple. Tom: Alliads? Do they mean aliens? Joel: Illiads? Crow: Alleys? Tom: They're taking Usagi to a dark alley? They haven't really been all that hospitable. Joel: Well, they did take her to a mysterious bathroom in Chapter 2: Part Nine, and most girls don't get to see that until the second or even third date. *Near there, a man that had the same clothing that the cross *knights but with a large, white cape was watching them through a *window of a church. *"We'll see you soon, Cross Knights" said the man. Crow: Not if I have anything to say about it! *END OF CHAPTER ONE Joel: You know, I kinda think it's appropriate that it ends with the end of chapter one after starting on chapter three. Or possibly twelve. Tom: Yeah, it's fitting that the end is just as confusing as the story and leaves you with a queasy feeling that there might be more just up ahead. Crow: Nope, I checked. This is it. This is.... The REAL End.