*Note to readers: Hey everyone I am Sailor Star

All: Hi, Sailor Star!

Tom: Sailor Star... shouldn't this be a Sailor Moon fic then?

Joel: Maybe it's a cross-over.

Crow: Yeah, Sailor Moon and MK. Whatever, Joel.

Joel: It could happen!

*and this is my fic.

Tom: ...this is the voyage of Sailor Star... to boldly go where so many 
have gone before...

*Now the Title I got from a webpage but
*the story has nothing to do with the webpage. 

Crow: Oh.  Well then.

Joel: I wonder if the title is going to have anything to do with the 
story.

*Now I do not own any MK, MKA, or MKC chara I own Naomi

Crow: And how does Naomi feel about this?

*only all other Chara's belong to their
*very talented creators from Midway. 

Joel: [coughs into palm] Or to Ed Boon and John Tobias.

Crow: Chara? Maybe it's got a Charmander?

Tom: Don't squeeze the Chara!

Crow: We haven't got a Chara in the world!

Tom: It works like a Chara!

Joel: I'll *chara* you two, if you don't pipe down...

*Mortal Kombat City 
*part one 
*The Mystery Behind the Crystal! 

Crow: Step right up! Guess and win! Tell me which one of these titles was 
the webpage and win a prize!

*As I walk down the street from the bazaar

Joel: She gets the strangest looks from everyone she meets...

Tom: It's the bizarre bazaar!

*from buying my food I pull down the hood of my cloak
*down farther to avoid the eyes of the people.

Tom: Are they falling from the sky?

Crow: It's raining eyes again! And me without my umbrella!

*They would never believe that I didn't kill my family.

All: ?

Crow: This isn't a Scorpion Angst Story, is it, Joel? Have you led us 
into a Scorpion Angst Story???

Joel: Calm down.  

Crow: That's a YES, isn't it!

Joel: I don't think it's Scorpion Angst... would Scorpion be buying food 
from a bizarre?

Tom: Bazaar.

Joel: Whatever!

*A single tear rolls down my cheek for them
*and I clutch my aunts crystal with my free hand.

Joel: See, Crow? Would Scorpion be crying?

Tom: Or holding crystals?

Crow: Well, I guess we're safe... For Now. [whistles ominous music]

Joel&Tom: [sighs]

*I open the door to my aunts home. 

Tom: [hums theme to Seinfeld]

Joel: Hello, *Naomi*.

*"Again ransacked?" I asked not at
*all shocked.

Crow: She shouldn't be shocked, if she leaves the door unlocked. Hey! I 
made a rhyme!

*I set down my food and start to clean
*up the down stairs.
*I hear a knock at the door and go to answer it. 

All: Avon Lady calling!

*"Coming hang on just a minute." I mutter.
*' Who would be visiting me?' I think.

Tom: Could it be Ed McMahon with my check? Oh, I hope so...

*I open my door slightly and see a very
*handsome Asian man standing there. 

Crow: [Asian man] Hello, I represent Wong and Wong Insurance...

Joel: Sorry, wong number.

*"May I help you?" I ask him not opening my
*door very far. "I'm looking for Naomi Nicka.
*I need to talk to her." he says kindly. 

Tom: [Asian man] She owes fifteen thousand in back taxes, and I'm the 
ninja sent around to collect.

*"How can I be sure that you will not rob
*or kill me?" I ask narrowing my eyes. 
*"I am a monk why would I do such
*a thing?" he asks.

Crow: ...to pay for the Temple?

Joel: ...because he's a Monk of Death?

Tom: ...because those robes don't come cheap?

Crow: ...he's in the Monk Mafia?

Joel: ...he's only pretending to be a monk to get in the house?

Crow: Yeah, okay, Joel.  Now it's just getting a little far-fetched.

*For some strange reason I trusted him. 

Joel: Maybe he's sprayed himself with pheromones.

Tom: [as Asian man] I'll just wave my arms around until you're overcome 
by my manly scent.

Crow: Or she passes out from the smell.

*"OK I trust you but if you try anything..."

Crow: ...I'll give you the glaring of a life-time!

*I couldn't think of any words to put
*after that and fell silent as I let him enter. 

Tom: [as Naomi] Sure, you can come in... I'll just lock the door behind 
you... dum dee dum dum...

Joel: Let's recap.  An orphan with a mysterious and forbidding past is 
visited by a handsome stranger which is obviously either Liu Kang or Kung 
Lao.  She is stuck with  an uncontrollable urge to trust him and let him 
rummage around in her things.

Crow: I have a bad feeling about this, Joel.

Tom: And he hasn't even asked to see her underwear drawer yet.

Joel: ...

*"Um is she up stairs," he asked sitting down. 
*"No." I told him he didn't even know who I was
*why did I trust him?" 

All: Huh?

Joel: This is sounding suspiciously like Egypt--

Crow&Tom: NO! DON'T SAY IT!

Crow: From now one, she's only She Who Must Not Be Named.

Tom: Or She Who Must Not Be Read.

All: Whichever.

*"Is she out?" 
*"I am Naomi." 
*"But you are so small." he commented. 
*"Tell me something I do not know." 

Tom: Is this a foreign fanfic? It sounds dubbed.

Crow: Maybe it went through DIC before it got to us.

*he was right I was very small for an eight 
*teen year old. 

Crow: [as Asian man] Oh, I'm sorry.  I must have wandered into the 
Lollipop Guild by mistake.

*"Any way what can I help you with Mister...?" 
*"Oh forgive my manners I am Kung Lao." 

Joel: Okay, it's Kung Lao. That narrows that down.

Tom: Not that it matters.

"The famous fighter? Champion of Mortal Kombat?

Crow: [as Kung Lao] What? No. I deliver pizzas. Here's the 
extra-large-with-anchovies you ordered.

*Forgive my rudeness ." I say and drop
*to one knee as is requiered of
*someone of my status in this city. 

Joel: All must bow before the Pizza Delivery Guy...

Tom&Crow: It's not delivery, it's Delisso!

Joel: Sigh...

*"You don't have to do that he said
*pulling me up. I just wanted to know if 
*you have a deep red crystal." 

Tom: Apparently Kung Lao is living in the third person.

Crow: [hums theme to The Third Man]

*"Why yes it was my aunts it is the only
*thing I have left of my family."

Joel: With the exception of the dog and the mould growing in the 
refrigerator.

*I said showing him the crystal hanging on my neck. 
*"Please may I have it. I know I have no right
*but I really need it." 

Crow: [as Naomi] Oh, well if you *really* really need it--hey!

*"Well, I can't deny you of anything can I?"

Tom: [as Naomi] That's right, can't deny you *anything*...big boy.

Joel: Tom...

*At last not here in this city but why
*do you need it what is so special about my aunts crystal?" 

Crow: It's the world's largest cubic zirconium...

*"It is a means a travel to different
*realms and I need to save my friend." 

Joel: Uh, has anyone managed to keep track of who's speaking?

Tom: Sure.  Kung Lao is the one who wants it all, and Naomi's the one on 
her knees--

Crow: Ooh, nice one.

Joel: That's it! What's gotten into you?

Crow: What?

Joel: Not you! Tom!

Tom: [sulky] nothing...

Joel: Well cut it out.  We're not running an R-Rated MSTing here.  We're 
not even running a *PG* MSTing. You should know by now how prudish Saf 
is.

Saf: [from off in distance] Hey!

Joel: But enough of the fourth-wall-breaking.  Let's get on with the 
fanfic, and Tom, tone it down.

Crow: I feel a strange sense of deja vu...

*"This crystal can make that possible?" I asked. 
*"Yes, so may I please have it?" 

Tom: Pretty please with sugar on top?

*I gave it to him his eyes were so captivating

Crow: [as Naomi] Help! I'm trapped in his eyes! Again!

Joel: How To Pick Up Girls By Hypnosis...

Crow: Isn't that one on your bookshelf?

Joel: Oh, hush.

*and I didn't want anyone to suffer 
*because I would not help him. 

Tom: That, and she was finally overwhelmed by the pheromones.

*"Thank you." he said I didn't realize it had
*gotten dark till after he opened my door. 

Crow: [as Naomi] Damn Daylight Savings Time! It's only 2pm!

*'Um it looks like it is going to storm why
*don't you stay here tonight I can make us 
*dinner and you may sleep in a spare room if you want." 

Tom: [high pitched girly voice] And later, we can, like, you know, do 
each other's toenails and make-up!

*He turned to me shocked at first

Crow: [as Kung Lao] Make-overs?! NOOOOOO!

*then realizing I was sincere he said "Aren't 
*you worried that I might be someone tricking
*you?" he asked. 

Joel: *Now* she's supposed to worry about that?

*"I figure if you were going to do that
*you would have all ready I wouldn't have
*given you the crysatl if I didn't trust you." 

Tom: Oh, well then.

Joel: She's known him for how long?

Crow: Well, they don't let just *anybody* deliver the pizza, you know.

*He looked at me and the look on his face
*told me that no woman had talked to him like that. 

Tom: [as Kung Lao] Wait a minute! You're a GIRL? Eeew, cooties!

Joel: No woman has talked to him as if he's a normal human being?

Crow: Would you?

Joel: Well, I... what?

*"Thank you Naomi. So tell me

Crow: ...what's your sign?... Come here often?... Did the fall from 
Heaven hurt?

*where is your family I know you couldn't have 
*killed them." 

Joel: [as Naomi] Oh, they're in the attic along with the other 
knick-knacks and the Christmas decorations...

*"I didn't killed them assassins did.
*No one believes me though." 

Tom: Oh, *assassins* killed them.  Riiiiiight.... tell me another one.

*"I do I mean I have been in Mortal Kombat 
*there isn't much that I do not believe." 

Crow: Kung Lao, Master of Gullibility! With Believable Kung-Fu Action!

Joel: Hey, Kung Lao, I've got a bridge I can sell ya...

*"It was about three months ago. 
*Noka who is my mother my father and I were 

Crow: whoa... talk about inbreeding...

Joel: So Naomi was part of an entity named Noka?

Tom: And then they split off and went their separate ways, like 
Gondwanaland.

Joel: [confused] Gonda-what?

Crow: Resistence is futile... you will be assimilated...
we are... Noka...

*traveling from another city to visit my aunt.

Tom: [as Naomi] I wanted to stop for ice cream on the way, but noooo...

*My mother and I were going to stay here
*while my father went to war.

Crow: I thought they were going to visit her aunt.

Joel: This is after.  Maybe.  I'm not sure.

Tom: I think that dubber has been through here again...

*I went out to look around when I heard 
*my mother scream." I said tears streaming down my face. 

Tom: [as Naomi's mother] AHHHH!! WHO'S BEEN IN MY AZALEA BUSHES???

Crow: [as Naomi's mother] AHHHH!! The pie crust is BURNT, I tell you, 
BURNT! 

*"And when you got there?" 
*"When I got back everyone was lying in blood

Crow: [as Naomi's mother] AHHHH!! THOSE STAINS WILL NEVER COME OUT!

Joel: [chuckling] Okay, okay...

*my mother and father already dead my aunt
*made me promise to protect her house

Tom: Ah, they were at the *aunt's* house.  While the father went to war. 
Or something.

Joel: Something like that, yeah.

*and the crystal till someone needed it
*that is the other reason I gave it to you." 

Crow: [as Naomi] I'm tired of looking after it.  It's your cursed crystal 
now!

Joel: [as Kung Lao] Gee, thanks.

*I said close to crying. 

Crow: [as Naomi] *sniff*... *sob*... heh heh heh, sucker... *sniff*...

*"Oh so you think your aunt meant me." 
*I nodded. 

Joel: [as Naomi] Of course, you're the first person who's actually 
*asked* for it, so she must have meant you!

*That is when I knew my life
*was going to get weirder 

Tom: [as Sailor Star] That's a comment on the plot!

*and I was going to find 
*out something about my self and fall in love. 

Joel: I'm smelling Mary Sue here, guys...

Crow: I'm smelling *something*...

Tom: How did she know this anyway? The Psychic Friend's Network?

*From: SAakaSailorStar@aol.com 
*To: johinsa@hotmail.com 
*Subject: Re: fanfiction 

Joel: Uh.... I think someone forgot to remove the headers before 
MSTing... hello out there...

Saf: [off in distance] Shush.

Dy: [also off in distance] The email is funny, promise!

Tom: Oh, well, if you *promise*.

Crow: I thought we weren't supposed to break the fourth wall...

Saf: You can't, but *we* can.  Now SHUSH!

Crow: Okay, okay.  Jeez...

*Thank you I am glad you like it.

Joel: This story has definitely given us... uh... minutes of 
entertainment.

*My spellings is very good and I know I need 
*a little work on grammar.

Crow: [singing] And off to Grammar's house we go...

*I use spell check that is why I had no spelling 
*mistakes :).

Tom: Aw, look how happy she is at not having spelling mistakes.  Too bad 
they can't make a Mary-Sue-checker.

Crow: Think about how happy *we* would be.

*Any way this is a work in progess.

Joel: Literally.

*I will send parts when I get them done

Tom: Makes sense.  You're on a roll so far, Sailor Star!

*and when i am done with a story I will
*put the end on it so you know that is 
*the end of the story.

Joel: So the end of the story will have "the end" written on it? [fakes 
British accent] Jolly good!

Crow: She's really on the ball, isn't she?

Tom: Oh, she's on something.

*i am really glad you liked it.  

Joel: I don't remember saying anything like that, but oh well, if it 
makes her happy.  We please to aim....

*"Note to readers: I hoped you liked number one and now number two. 

Tom: [as Austin Powers] Who... does... Number...Two... work... for?

Joel: When did Part One end?

Crow: Does it matter? At least Part Two is actually *following* Part One, 
which is an improvement over some fics that we've done.

*Mortal Kombat City 
*part two 
*Romance, Love and a Rescue! 

Joel: And Mary Sue smooches! Gotta love those Mary Sue smooches!

*Kung Lao slept in my home that night and
*I have no idea why but I felt very 
*safe with him in the house. 

Crow: I bet she does.

Tom: I wonder what Freud would have to say about the situation...

Joel: [as Naomi] It's cheaper than AlarmForce! Or a German Shepard!

*I actually for the frist time since
*I had been here got a good nights rest. 

Tom: although Kung Lao's barking at the neighbourhood dogs kept waking 
her up...

*I walked down stairs the next morning
*to find him making breakfast. 

Joel: Thus revealing what every woman wants: a guy who can cook.

Crow: How do you know that's what every woman wants?

Joel: Because this is a Mary Sue story, right? So Kung Lao will be the 
embodiment of a perfect man.

Crow: No, I meant, how do *you* know what every woman wants?

Tom: [laughter] Nice one, Crow.

Crow: Thanks.

Joel: grumble grumble...

*"Good morning." he said with a big smile.
*"I uh thought I would make breakfast since you were
*so hospitable last night." 

Tom: Yes, how hospitable *was* she?

Joel: Tom...

Tom: It's a valid question!

Crow: Aren't they supposed to be *my* questions?

*"You didn't have to do that. It is nice though
*I mean having someone around 

Tom: ...to bark at the mailman and fetch newspapers...

*to talk to other than the mice and insects." I
*told him smiling back. 

Joel: [as Naomi] How Cinderella puts up with it all the time, *I'll* 
never know.

Crow: [high pitched voice] Cinderelly, cinderelly, you never change and 
you're kinda smelly...

Joel&Tom: [laughter] CROW!

Crow: What?

*"I would guess so. May I ask you another
*question?" he asked me. 

Joel: We have a few of our own, actually.  Take it away, guys...

Crow: How come if all the villagers thought Naomi killed her parents, she 
wasn't arrested or whatever?

Tom: And how did the aunt get the Realm-travelling crystal in the first 
place?

Crow: And how did Kung Lao know about it?

Tom: And if he needs the crystal to "rescue his friend" why is he 
standing around flippin' pancakes?

Joel: [shaking head] So many questions.  So little hope of answering 
them...

*"Sure I guess." 
*"Do you remember what the assissions looked like?" 

Crow: Assissions?

Joel: Maybe it's admissions.  If I was Kung Lao, I'd be wanting my ticket 
back too.

Tom: And what was Sailor Star saying about spell checkers, again?

*"Well yes I do. Most of them were dressed
*in pureblack just there eyes showing

Tom: [as Kung Lao] Hmmm.  So you're saying that they were dressed like 
ninjas? Thanks, that narrows it down!

*and a couple were in diffent colors.

Crow: Ninjas... taste the rainbow...

*One was in a blue on black nijia suit.
*Another was in a yellow on black nijia suit.

Joel: Blue.  Yellow.  Hmmm.  I have no idea who they could be, guys!

*The last on wasn't in a nijia suit
*but the only onter thing I rmember

Crow: Gee, and Sailor Star started off so well... spell-check-wise, 
anyway.

*was that he wore a skull mask." 

Joel: All right! Skeletor! Finally, an *interesting* chara. I mean, 
character.

Tom: You know, a He-Man/MK crossover is a very interesting idea.  I 
wonder who we could manipulate into writing that...

*I ooked down at the table.  " He terrified me with
*the look he gave me before disappering." 

Joel: The Withering Hippy attack?

Crow: Ah, yes, *Glower Power*.

*"Look? What kind of look?" 

Crow: Glower Power! We just finished telling you that!

Tom: Pay attention!

*"It was like he was telling me he'd be back
*that he wasn't going to give up. 

Joel: Maybe Scorpion's been reading How To Pick Up Girls Through Hypnosis 
too.

*I guess it might have been my imagneation
*but I don't think it was. 

Tom: But we're *hoping* it was.

*I mean it is vibrant but not with that sort of thing." 

Joel: Huh?

Crow: What's vibrating?

Tom: Scorpion, apparently.

Joel: No, not that sort of thing.

Tom: [confused] What sort of thing?

Joel: I don't know any more than you do!

*"So so you dream about thier deaths
*every night?" he asked me setting down a 
*plate with good smelling foods on it. 

Joel: What is it with Kung Lao and smells? He seems a very odour-oriented 
person.

*"No I dream about the man every night except
*last night for some reason."
*I told him grabbing fork.

Crow: Now, now, no need to be rude.

*I was about to take a bite of the food
*when I heard someone upstairs. 

Joel: [as Naomi] Now what? Dammit, it's not every day I get the pop-tarts 
toasted for me!

*I looked up at the ceiling listening to the intruder. 

Crow: Another day, another burglary.  Dum de dum dum.

*"He must be looking for the crystal." I said. 

Tom: [as Kung Lao] Thank you for pointing out the glaringly obvious.

*"Look out !" yelled Kung Lao as someone
*grabbed me form behind. 

Crow: [as intruder] Those are MY T-4s! MINE!

Joel: Kung Lao isn't doing a very good job as a watch dog, is he?

*"Ahhhh! Let me go! Let me go! Umm!"

All: LINE!

*I struggled trying to free myself. 

Crow: [as Naomi] I know that I have to break the circle of negativity and 
release my tensions... but how, dammit, how??

*They had Kung Lao busy defending himself
*that he couldn't worry about me. 

Tom: Yeah, great protector.

Crow: They? How many forms-stealers are there?

*"Let me go!" I screamed one last time

Joel: [as Naomi] This is the last time! I mean it! Last scream....

Crow: [as Naomi's mother] AHHHH!! MY TAX FORMS! MY PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS TAX
FORMS!

Joel: Okay, Crow, consider the joke milked.

Crow: Awwww...

*and elbowed the preson in the side causing
*him to let go.

Tom: [as intruder] Hee hee! That tickles!

*I grabbed the nearest thing which was a broom

Joel: ...and cleaned the floor with him?

Crow&Tom: [groans]

*and swung it trying to defend myself. 
*"Ha ha ha ha ha I knew you would still be here."
*siad a deep voice

All: Dr. Forrestor?

*I looked up as a man in yellow and black
*jumped down and grabbed me.

Crow: Batman?

Joel: Bumblebee Man from the Simpson's?

Tom: Ronald McDonald?

Crow&Joel: WHAT?

Tom: He wears yellow!

*"Shou Khan will be so pleased." he said. 

Joel: Shou Khan: stand-in to the gods.

*"I wouldn't go with you if my life
*depened on it." I spat at him. 

Crow: Depends: for those moments where you need to s--

Joel: Don't say what I think you're going to say, Crow.

Crow: --spit at your enemies.

*"Do you think you have a choice?" he asked.
*Kung lao was still fighting. 

Tom: [Kung Lao] Oh, don't mind me... I'm the Chosen One, do this all the 
time, dum de dum dum...

*"Maybe I don't I guess you will have to kill me." 

Joel: Who's talking?

Crow: Maybe it's... the Mysterious Disembodied Voice?

All: Our True Lord And Master!

Tom: Praise the Voice! We're saved!

*"Hah clever but I am not that dumb girl.

Crow: [as Scorpion] I'm *that* dumb girl over there!

Tom: The one by the vending machine?

Crow: [as Scorpion] No, by the tree.

Tom: Oh, *that* dumb girl.

Joel: Guys...

*I will take you back with me and claim my reward." 

Joel: I only need three more stamps and then I got the fondue set...

*"Wouldn't do any good

Crow: ...because the fondue set is no longer in stock! I got the last one 
yesterday!

Joel: NOOOOOO!

*I don't have the crystal i got rid of it
*I threw it in the river." 

Tom: I hope Kung Lao's not still holding it, otherwise she's going to 
look really stupid.

Joel: [as Grandpa Simpson] And Malloy, unlike most retired people, has 
the world's largest cubic zirconium on his coffee table...

*"Do you think that is why he wants you?

Crow: [as Naomi] No, I was thinking that the Mary Sue-ness has more to do 
with it.

*Dumb girl that crystal has nothing
*to do with you." 
*"Then why were you trying to take it that day
*why did you kill my family?"

Tom: [as Scorpion] What, you expect me to rationalise every little thing 
I do?

*I tried to hit him but my arms were
*to short at this length. 

Crow: [as Naomi] Damn these short, useless, floppy arms!

Tom: [annoyed] Hey, watch it.

*"Because we needed you vunerble." 
*"Then why did you and your friends
*leave huh? Tell me that." 

Joel: [as Kung Lao] Oh, no, don't mind me, I'm just getting my butt 
kicked over here, pay no attention to me... uh... hello?

*"Because you were powerful then. Now it is time
*to go my dear." 

Crow: [as Scorpion] Nap-time for Naomi-chan! Time for beddy-byes!

*"NNNNOOO!!" came a cry from Kung Lao
*as I saw him flying at the nijia. 

Tom: [as Kung Lao] NNNNOOO!! I can't take any more of these run-on 
sentences and untagged dialogue!

*He was knocked away from me as I stood
*in back of Kung Lao "You will not get 
*her Scorpion."

Crow: Her scorpion is hers, and hers alone.

Joel: [as Homer Simpson] I call the big one Bitey!

*he said ready to fight  "She is too important." 

Tom: Why?

Joel: [coughs into his palm]

Tom: Huh? Oh, right.  The Mary Sue.  Forgot for a moment there, heh.

*What did he know about me?

Crow: [as Naomi] You don't know me, or what I go through--the eyes... the 
eyes falling from the sky... and knowing that I'm only a one-dimensional 
chara owned by Sailor Star...  you don't know what it's LIKE! 

*Scorpion stood up and looked at Kung Lao. 

Tom: [as Scorpion] I think that's a long enough nap--sorry, were you 
saying something?

*"You seem confindent that you can protect her." 

Joel: [as Kung Lao] Hey, they don't give the "Champion of Mortal Kombat" 
merit badge to just *anybody*, bub.

*"I've beaten you before haven't I?" 
*"Hmm yes goodbye." and he disappered.

Tom: [as Scorpion] Gosh darn it! I knew there was a flaw in my plan 
somewhere! Foiled again!

Joel: [as Scorpion ala Dr. Claw] Next time, Kung Lao, NEXT TIME...
 
*"Hey where did he go?" I asked standing in
*the place he had just been. 
*"Well he's gone now." 

Crow: [as Naomi] Well, thank you, Mr. Obvious!

Joel: [as Kung Lao] That's Mr. Obvious, SIR, to you!

*"What did you mean when you said I was too important?" 

Tom: [as Kung Lao] Important? Did I say important? I meant, uh, 
*informant*, you're our informant... and... uh... you're not buying this, 
are you? Rats.

*he gave me a look and was about to explain.
*I knew I was much more than a
*normal preson know. 

Tom: The Naomi That Knew Too Much...

Crow: The Bot That Cared Too Little...

All: [waiting expectantly]

Joel: Hey, where's the rest of the story?

Tom: Don't you remember? Sailor Star said that she'd put "the end" on it 
if it was the end.

Crow: But there isn't a "the end".

Tom: So that means that it hasn't ended yet.

Joel: But... that means... that means we're trapped in the theatre!

All: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Crow: Joel, I'm scared.  What if we're here forever?

Joel: Don't worry, little buddy.  I'm sure it won't come to that... the 
Good Lord will take care of us.

Tom: You mean... the Disembodied Voice?

Joel: Exactly.  

Crow: Oh my god... it's... uh... God.

Disembodied Voice: Fear not, my loyal servants.  Salvation is at hand.

Tom: Are you going to rise up and smite our enemies, oh Lord?

Disembodied Voice: Uh, no.

Joel: Are you going to rescue us from the Satellite of Love? Take us back 
to Earth?

Disembodied Voice: Well... uh...

Crow: What *are* you going to do, God? If, y'know, you don't mind me 
asking.

Disembodied Voice: I was just going to unlock the door, actually.

Disembodied Voice: [fading into distance] Farewell, my children...

Joel: No, wait! I have so many things I want to ask! What's the meaning 
of life? What happens when we die? How can people write such blatant Mary 
Sues and expect other people to take them seriously??? Come back!!

Crow: It's gone, Joel.

Joel: [disappointed] I know.

Tom: There are some things that we, as mortals, are not meant to know.

Joel: That's poetic.  And a cop-out.

Tom: If there's one thing that I've learned from reading MK fanfiction, 
it's that the gods can't remain mysterious if they tell us anything 
usefull.

Crow: Or if we read stories about them making peanut butter sandwiches 
for their kids.

Tom: That too.

Joel: [sighs] I guess so.  Well, the door's open, let's get going.

Crow: Amen.

The other two glare at him.

Crow: What?