This has been a Saf'n'Dy production. We rule! We own everything! Ha ha! We laugh at you and your pathetic attempts to copyright protect--

*This is a message from Dy. Saf writes all these. Don't listen to her. She's deranged. MK belongs to Threshold Entertainment, Joel and the Bots belong to Best Brains, Inc., and Shotgun belongs to whoever wants to claim responsability.*


"Tom? Crow?" Joel Robinson was looking everywhere, but couldn't find his robotic friends. "Guys? We're late for the fanfic reading! Guys!" He finally found them in front of a computer monitor. Reading, of all things. "Guys? What are you reading?"

"MK fanfiction," Crow replied, not tearing himself away. "We just found this site called the Bar... it's got tons of really good fanfiction. Literate, twisty-plotty MK fanfiction. Spell-checked, too. With good grammar and everything."

"Shhh," Tom hissed, deeply absorbed.

Joel frowned. "Isn't that the site that has Johinsa's MK poetry?"

"That's it," Crow replied brightly. "What was the name again... ah, I remember. The Omniversal Bar."

"The Omniversal Bar?"Joel arched an eyebrow.

"The Omniversal Bar," the bot repeated.

Joel rubbed his eyes. "Can we stop with the product placements and just get on with the fanfic? The sooner we get going, the sooner we're done."

"I'm almost done," Tom hissed again.

"What's he reading?" Joel asked, in a whisper.

"Dea ex Machina, by Biku," Crow replied.

"Dea what what?"

"Dea... never mind. It's a novel. It's good. Hiko's a babe."

"What?"

Abruptly Tom sighed and leaned back. "Man, that was a good story. I laughed, I cried... I didn't encounter Bradisms at all..."

Joel rolled his eyes. "I'm glad you found MK fiction that's *good*, for a change, but we have a fanfic to MST and I want to get it over with." He stomped from the room.

"Coming," the bots chorused, following closely behind him.

"Is it a Sinbad fic?" Crow asked.

"Or Sailor Moon?" Tom added.

"Nope and nope. You're in luck, it's an MK fic."

Both bots stopped. "Yeah, that's luck all right," Tom grouched.

"Bad luck," Crow clarified. "Oh well, we can always read some Hichan fics afterward, to get the nasty taste out of our mouths..." They entered the theatres and waited for the fic to begin.

"Psst... Joel?" Tom asked, in the darkness before the fic started.

"Yeah?"

"This isn't a Brad story, is it?"

"Nope. I'm not sure who the author is... they left their name off."

"That... is not a good sign," Tom replied.


*Shotgun

Crow: As in "shot-gun wedding" or "shoot me now"?

*On a pitch black night in stone cold weather

Joel: I didn't realise we were going to be MSTing a country song...

*a fighter emerged from the inner sanctum of the
*dark alleys of the retched and the poor.

Tom: I feel like retching already.

*This fighter was above all laws.

Crow: Such as laws against cliches, and not-proofreading.  Unfortunately, he's not above the
laws of Bradian Physics.

*He was named Shotgun, for the fact that he waged
*a war against crime with shotguns.

Tom: Thank you for informing us of this, *I* never would have guessed.

Joel: [Darkwing Duck voice] I am the shotgun that misfires in the night... I am the cliche
that ruins a fanfic...

*He always had a double-barreled shotgun
*in a holster on each leg, and two shotguns in
*a holster type strap on his back.

Crow: Uh... wouldn't he find it hard to walk?

Joel: He's waging a war against crime.  He's allowed to be bow-legged.

Tom: And slow.

Joel: Bow-legged *and* slow.

*He was armed and ready for anything. . .
*Well, almost anything.

Crow: Cue ominous music.  I said, cue ominous music! Ah, there we go.

*One night in Central Park Shotgun came across a strangely
*dressed man.

Joel: This man seemed to be dressed entirely in garbage bags.

*He wore a black mask on his face and a blue and black
*outfit. Shotgun stopped him to find out just who he was.

Crow: It's a lost Backstreet Boy!

Tom: It's AJ! Who thought he'd sink so low?!

*"Hey hold it!" Shotgun said to the man.
*"Yes? Need something?" replied the man.

Tom: [as man] Want a watch? I sell them real cheap...

*"Who are you, and whatís with that funky
*suit?" Shotgun interrogated.

Joel: ...don't you realise that disco is dead?

Crow: ...maybe you should try doing laundry once and while...

Tom: ...that look is *so* 1995...

*"You need not to know who I am," said the strange man.

Tom: Ah, poopy.  The Mysterious And Cryptic Stranger.

Crow: It could be worse.  It could be... hey, wait...blue and black outfit... blue mask...
the Mysterious Stranger is Sub-Zero, I bet you anything.

*Shotgun held a rusty sawed off double-barrel
*shotgun to the manís head and repeated, "Who are you?"
*"I am the mighty warrior known as Innubis," the
*man replied in a deep threatening voice.

Crow: Or it could be a resurrected-and-highly-confused Egyptian god.

Joel: That was going to be my guess.

*"Ooh! Iím so scared," Shotgun said sarcastically.
*"What are you doiní in this city mister Innubis?"

Tom: Trying to make a living, just like everybody else...

*"Nothing to your concern mortal." With those last words he
*dropped a blue metallic colored sphere and disappeared into the fog
*which arose from the shattered ball.

Joel: Great, the gods are just as corny as the mortals.

Crow: They're omnipotent, not well-written.

*"What a mental case," Shotgun remarked to himself

Tom: *To* himself, or *on* himself? He's walking--slowly--around, waging a war with
shotguns... he shouldn't be calling names.

*as he started walking back to the rat infested
*alleys from which he came from.

Joel: Is that a comment on his surroundings or his background?

*The next day, he awoke from a deep sleep which seemed to
*last eternity.

Crow: That describes how I'm feeling, while reading this...

*He did not, however, wake on the slimy concrete. He
*woke up in a bed. He noticed he wasnít in the city anymore.

Joel: That's why they call him 'Eagle Eyes'...

*Streams flowed peacefully through the thin
*light green grass. Birds chirped softly in the background.

Tom: He's been transported into a Disney movie!

Joel: Shotgun vs. Bambi's Mother... FATALITY!

Crow&Tom: [wailing] JOELLL!!!!

Joel: Sorry, sorry... couldn't help myself...

*"Yuk!" Shotgun murmured. "Where the hell am I?"

Crow: Fern Gully?

Tom: The Land Before Time?

Joel: Eternia?

Crow: Myst?

Tom: Narnia?

Joel: Anywhere but an MK fic?

*he spoke aloud. "Welcome, to the Pantheon of the Gods," a
*voice from nowhere said.

All: ALL HAIL THE DISEMBODIED VOICE! OUR TRUE LORD AND MASTER!

Joel: Have you noticed that in MK fics, the disembodied voices usually really *are*
disembodied voices?

*"Whooie! To much whiskey last night!" Shotgun
*laughed.

Tom: Either that or too many bean burritos...

Crow: [As Shotgun] I've got to lay off the laughing gas, it's messing with my mind!

*"This is no joke!" the invisible voice inferred. "The
*Pantheon of the Gods eh? Why the hell am I here?" Shotgun questioned
*the voice. "You are here because. . ."

Joel: Paragraphs, they do a fanfic good.

*"The Pantheon needs help. Help from a mighty warrior. You, are that
*warrior," the voice explained. "Why me?" Shotgun asked.

Tom: [as Voice] You wage war against evil, remember?

Crow: [as Shotgun] Oh yeah, I forgot.

*"I have been watching you, the way you fight,
*the things you do, for quite some time.

Joel: [Singing] Every step you take, every move you make, I'll be watching you...

*I studied you. I know you. You have proven yourself worthy without
*even knowing it. You must help us!" the voice said. "What do I have
*to do?" Shotgun questioned.

Crow: First, you have to answer the skill-testing question... then, you must fight Rex the
Giant Abalone...

*"There is an evil sorcerer named Shang
*Tsung trying to destroy the Pantheon. He has taken down many of the
*gods including the thunder god Rayden.

Crow: First dinner, then a little dancing...

Tom: ?

Joel: Taken *down*, not taken *out*!

*You must put an end to the
*bloody war he is waging against the gods.

Tom: [fakes English accent] Bloody war, full of bloody gods and bloody maniacs, can't get
a decent cup of tea for all the bloody goings-on in this bloody Pantheon...

*You must kill Shang Tsung."

Crow: Thank god the writer didn't decide to have an original plot.  We could have been lost
there for a moment!

*"Whatís in this for me?" Shotgun inquired.

Joel: A pass for two to Canada's Wonderland! Airfare not included.

*"I will make you a god," the voice answered.
*"Well. Let me think for a while."

Tom: [as Shotgun] Hmmm, let's see.  I already won the car, the dream vacation, and Vanna
White... let's trade it all for what's behind curtain number three!

*"As you wish. You have 24 hours to decide. Good day."

Crow: This has been the Pantheon Job Application Centre.  Our phone lines are now closed.
We hope you have had a pleasent day.  This is a recording...

*Suddenly a ray erupted under the
*ground Shotgun was standing on,

Tom: [As Ray] Fraser? Where'd you go? Where am I?

*and warped him back to the alleys of earth.

Joel: [as Shotgun] Hey, this isn't New York!

Tom: [as Voice] What do you expect from us? We're gods, not all-knowing and accurate.

*^Do I wanna get into a war? And be a god?
*Or let an evil sorcerer overthrow the Pantheon of
*the Gods and eventually take over earth?

Crow: Choices, choices.

Tom: So many decisions, so little time to think about them... we're hoping.

*I think being a god canít be that bad. . .

Joel: Of course, he has learned of the drawbacks.

Crow: There are drawbacks to being a god?!

Joel: Of course.  Corny powers, having to constantly save stupid ungrateful whiny mortals, 
knowing the ending of the Sixth Sense ahead of time just because you're omniscient...

Crow&Tom: [shudders] No! Shotgun, don't do it!

*Tomorrow when I go back, Iíll tell him my decision. I
*want to help the Pantheon, and become a god.

Tom: It's your funeral, buddy... no, wait a second.  That's not right...

*God. . .  thatís a strong word.

Crow: Just like tapioca.  Or Cheez Whiz.  Or pudding cups.

Tom: What's with all the creamy, gooey stuff?

Crow: Just describing Shotgun's brain....

*God.......^

Tom: Dear God, no!

Crow: Save us, oh disembodied Voice!

Joel: Now I lay me down to read, and I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  If I die before I 
finish... I will praise the Lord forever and ever.  Amen.

*"So, you want to help?" "Yes," Shotgun
*said boldly. "Fine then," the voice said.

All: *Be* that way!

*Instantaneously a blue whirlwind swirled around
*Shotgun, and he went unconscious.

Tom: Oh no, the story is repeating itself!

Crow: The record's stuck! It's started skipping! That means we'll have to read about
Shotgun FOREVER....

Joel: Oh well, that's what it feels like anyway.

*When he awoke, he was laying in a graveyard.
*It was dark and gloomy.

Crow: Until someone put the porchlight on for all the trick-or-treaters.

*The moon was full and gleaming and the air was thick.
*The soil was rough and the tombstones were old
*cracked slate.

Tom: [Singing] Shotgun crack slate, and I don't care...

*"Where... where am I?" Shotgun pondered aloud. As he
*reached the top of a steep hill, he saw a huge castle. A medieval
*castle.

Joel: As opposed to a modern-day castle.

Tom: Or a futuristic castle.  Shotgun vs. Star Trek...

Crow: [As Worf] You want I should break his skull, Captain?

*With a drawbridge and motes and guards; huge hulking guards
*covered in black armor.

Joel: [Singing] These are a few of my favourite things...

*One of the guards turned and spotted Shotgun.
*"Attack!" the guard shrieked to the others.

Tom: The Guard Who Shrieks Like A Schoolgirl... next, on Geraldo!

*Instantly guards poured onto Shotgun.

Crow: That's two cups flour, one teaspoon baking soda... stir vigourously, and pour into
a greased Shotgun...

Joel: Crow....

Crow: What?

Joel: I don't know, I just feel like I should be scolding you for some reason.

*'Crack!!' a spine snapped.
*'Krrrkt!!!!' a head torn of from the neck.

Tom: Either the injuries are talking, or it's like an old episode of Batman.

Crow: Holy Cheesy Sound Effects, Batman! Biff! Pud! Zord!

*Shotgun searched himself but found no shotguns.

Joel: Let me guess, he left them in his *other* rat-infested alleyway.

*He extended his arms in front of him and two
*shotguns materialized in his hands.
*
*"Sweet!" Shotgun remarked.

All: DUDE!

*Bullets flew everywhere. 'Splat!!'
*a guardís brains were blown out of his head.

Crow: Zoink! Thunk! Pow! Crud!

*"CRASH!!!!í a shell knocked a hole into a guard

Joel: Rex Fights Back...

*and he flew into another, crashing into the wall.
*The last one. A huge brute.

Crow: Maybe it's the General Adjective Kintaro.  He's great.

Tom: In the sense of "stupid".

Crow: Yeah, well, he'll fit in at least...

*He charged flailing a tremendous mace
*around above his head. He swung the mace down
*with all his might

Joel: And huffed and puffed and blew Shotgun down...

*and the huge spiked ball of the mace
*blasted into the ground, missing Shotgun.

Tom: How can you miss someone standing two feet in front of you?

Crow: Maybe it *is* the General!

*Shotgun saw his chance; he stuck the shotgun
*into the guardís face,

Joel: [as Guard] Hey, watch where you point that thing, mister! You could poke somebody's
eyes out!

*and blew a hole clean through his head.
*"Thatís all folks," Shotgun laughed.

Joel: And we have a winner! Yes, the winner for Cheesiest, Lamest, Most Cliched One-liner goes
to Shotgun!

Crow: [as Shotgun] I'd like to thank the Academy, my mother, Shang Tsung... no, wait--

Tom: [sobbing] You love me, you really love me!

*He approached the castle and
*leaped into it as the drawbridge arose.

Tom: ... and was turned into a cliched smear on the castle wall.  The end!

*Inside the castle, were thousands of four-armed beasts.

Joel: Also known as "horses" and "donkeys".

*"Uh-oh!" Shotgun moaned
*as the beasts growled, and attacked. . .

Tom: [as Shotgun] Why, oh why did I choose to wear my oat-scented deodourant today?

*The four-armed beasts' arms hammered
*Shotgun. He blew away almost half already
*with his shotgun.

Crow: So he says.  It was probably the garlic breath that did it.

*'Boom!!' a beast is shot in the
*face. One of the beasts launched a
*grayish-reddish ball of fire

All: ?

Tom: Since when is fire gray coloured?

Crow: Maybe the fire is feelin' poorly.  Much like this fanfic.  I recommend euthanasia. 
Immediately.

Joel: [singing] Red and yellow and pink and blue...

*at Shotgun and hit him square
*in the chest blasting him into a wall.
*"Damn it! Iím supposed to
*be a freakin god, lets see what I can do!"

Crow: Yeah, let's see some freakin action already! I'm tired of all this freakin dialogue
and freakin soundeffects and freakin beast kill-age!

*Shotgun said to himself. Abruptly,
*a blue flash of light blew through
*the room, and the four-armed beasts
*were dead when the light was gone.

Joel: Brings new meaning to the term "blue light special"....

Tom&Crow: [groans]

*"Now that just plain kicks ass!"
*Shotgun said gleefully.

Crow: But you killed all the donkeys already... why bother kicking them around?

*Shotgun approached a room full of golden treasures.

Tom: Be careful not to touch the lamp...

*Beautiful golden dragons were mounted
*on the walls and treasures of diamonds
*and jewels lay scattered all over the floor.

Joel: I guess someone hasn't tidied up their room like they were supposed to...

*In the middle of the room was a throne.

Tom: [As Shotgun] Ah, so *this* is the bathroom.

*Upon the throne sat a gray, old man.

Joel: Father Time?

Crow: Gandalf?

Tom: Mr. Dress-up?

Joel&Crow: ?

Tom: What?

*His eyes glowed green

Joel: That's what happens when you sit for too long in front of a monitor.  Geeks beware!

*and at the sight of Shotgun, he
*immediately stood up. "Who goes there?"
*he interrogated. "Shotgun. Remember that, itís the
*last name youíll ever hear," Shotgun intimidated.

Tom: Wow, so many new verbs.

Crow: I'd to proactively conceptualize leaving this story, before it gets any cheesier...

Joel: Don't worry, the story is about to 360 itself.

Crow: Oh, well I guess that's okay. [Pause] Hey, wait a second!

*The old manís eyes grew large
*and he extended his arms towards Shotgun.

Tom: [as old man] ...Shotgun, *I* am your father! Come give Daddy a hug!

Crow: [as Shotgun] No, no, that's impossible!!

*A red-orange film appeared between
*his hands,

Joel: Ah, I see his sinister plan.  Home movies.

Tom&Crow: [shudders]

Tom: That's inhumane!

*and a flaming skull came flying out
*of the film towards Shotgun.

Crow: Huh? Joel, can you stop the fanfic for a minute?

Joel: What? Okay, I guess.

Joel stopped the fanfic and Crow started rooting around under his chair. "I know I left them here somewhere," Crow was muttering.

"What are you looking for?" Tom asked, hovering over Crow, trying to see in the darkened theatre. "A flamethrower?"

"No, that's in my room. Ah, here they are." Crow emerged, covered in dust bunnies, but holding several pairs of 3-D goggles.

"Neat-O!" Tom exclaimed as Joel put on Tom's pair, and the bot settled back into his seat. "These were a great idea, Crow!"

"I don't know," Joel said, as he put the goggles on Crow and then on himself. "How is this going to help? It's not a movie, it's a fanfic!"

"I know. These are ASCII sunglasses."

"ASCII sunglasses?" Joel repeated dubiously.

Crow sighed. "Just go with the flow, Joel. Groove with me. Can you rewind the fanfic a little bit? I want to get back to the part with the film," the bot explained.

Joel muttered to himself as he started to fiddle with the controls.


*A red-orange film appeared between
*his hands, and a flaming skull came flying out
*of the film towards Shotgun.

All: [jump backwards in surprise]

Crow O-O¨: [smugly] I told you the glasses would work!

Tom O-O¨: I believed you.  Now the story sucks in 3-D!

Joel O-O¨: I had to admit I was doubtful... but you're right.  That flaming skull really
leaps out at in 3-D text.

Crow O-O¨: I'm going to call it "Text-O-Vision"...

Joel shook his head and sighed. He took off the ASCII glasses. "It's cute, Crow, but my eyes are starting to hurt."

"Whatever," Crow replied. "Some people just can't notice genius when they see it, eh, Tom?"

"Cool!" Tom was yelling, as he waved himself back and forth. "Look, I can the screen dance!"

Joel sighed, and settled back in for the rest of the fanfic.


*Shotgun dodged the fireball and leaped
*at the old one.

Tom O-O¨: [as Shotgun] Arrrgh, take that, you stupid fireball! Wait a second.... maybe I
should leap *away* from it...

*His foot connected with the old manís jaw and he fell.

Joel: [groans] It's Attack of the Brad...

Crow O-O¨: Now in Text-O-Vision!

*The old man got to his feet and
*started to glow white.

Crow O-O¨: [as Shang Tsung] That's right, Shotgun, I'm really an angel, sent by God...

*He glowed only for a split second,

Tom O-O¨: ...although it seemed like longer... maybe that's just us...

*then he changed into a guard, with the
*huge black armor.

Joel: You know what they say... the larger the armour...

Crow O-O¨: The thicker the padding?

*The guard dashed towards Shotgun

Joel: [singing] Can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!

*and Shotgun started blasting
*it. The guard, hit in the leg,
*fell to the floor.

All: Fatal leg wound! Fatal leg wound!

*He glowed white again and returned
*to the form of the old decrepit man.
*The old man tried desperately to get
*to a standing position but found it impossible.

Tom O-O¨: [as Shang Tsung] Arr, I'll bite your ankles off!

*"Leave me. Go! Leave now!
*You have won. I surrender," he
*blurted out.

Crow O-O¨: You didn't surrender, you had your ass kicked!

Joel: Crow...

Crow O-O¨: Out in the courtyard, remember? Those poor donkeys...

*"I am here to stop the war you
*are waging against the Pantheon.
*I cannot let you live, because you still
*are a threat with your men.

Tom O-O¨: [as Shotgun] After all, no one can do the can-can quite like you can.

*Good bye Shang Tsung. Good bye
*demon," Shotgun enlightened Tsung.

Crow O-O¨: I think we should give the author an award for Most Inane Additions Made To
The English Language.

Tom O-O¨: I'm confused.  Does Shang Tsung not *know* he's a demon?

*With that, Shotgunís guns disappeared
*and a ray came out of his arms and hit Shang.

Tom O-O¨: [as detective] Now, cadets, when we have arrested a suspect, what do we do?

Crow O-O¨: [as Ray] Uh... kick him in the head?

*The ray turned gray, then red, then black.

Joel: And all the other shades of the rainbow...

Crow O-O¨: You know, I'm starting to think that Shotgun's more of an Autumn than a Winter...

*'KABOOOOOMMMM'

All: Ka-BLAMMO!

Crow O-O¨: Text-O-Vision: an explosion of typography.

*The body exploded. A ray of green shot out
*of Shang Tsungís dead body.

Joel: I call no snot jokes.

Crow&Tom: Dang...

*Souls, millions of them, poured
*out. "You are free."

Tom O-O¨: Not only is the author lamely ripping off the ending of the MK movie, he's decided
to take Gladiator down with him!

*As Shotgun left the room a booming
*voice screamed at him

Joel: [as voice] Shotgun! How many times have I told you to clean up after yourself!

*"YOU WILL DIE FOR YOUR IDIOCY!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Crow O-O¨: YOU NEED YOUR DOSE OF RITALIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

*"Kahn. . ." Shotgun said.

Tom O-O¨: And here we were thinking that the Khan had left the building...

Crow O-O¨: What MK fic would be without a cliched showdown fight-scene?

Tom O-O¨: A good one?

*"Did you really think you
*could win?" he spat at Shotgun.

Joel: [as Shotgun] Well, I *am* a Gary Stu, so I figured, yeah, I would.

*"Maybe," Shotgun said as he dropped
*to the ground and kicked Kahnís shins.

Tom O-O¨: That's right! Drop down and give me fifty, mister!

*"Oogh!" Kahn shrieked and fell.

Crow O-O¨: [as Khan] You just hit the bruise from when I bumped into the coffee table!

*Shotgun kicked Kahn in the face when he tried
*to get up.

Joel: That's our heroic protaganist for you. Kicking 'em when they're down.

*Shotgun pulled out a shotgun and blasted Kahn
*in the chest and stomach.

Tom O-O¨: [as Khan] Tums... I need my Tums...

Crow: Rolaids spells relief... from shotgun wounds!

*Green blood oozed out of the
*holes in his chest.

Crow O-O¨: [starts to say something]

Joel: I *said*, no snot jokes!

Crow O-O¨: ...dang.

*"Now you die!" Kahn screamed as he
*rushed at Shotgun creating red shadows
*behind him. 'BOOM!'

Tom O-O¨: Create red shadows, explode on impact.  It's the law of the jungle.

*Shao Kahn shouldered the wall and cracked
*it, just missing Shotgun.

All: [Nelson voice] Ha ha!

Joel: [as Khan] I meant to do that! Really!

*Shotgun ran towards the wall, leaped at it,
*pushed his foot off of it, and
*landed on Shao Kahnís hurt shoulder.

Tom O-O¨: ...and here the lead ballerina executed a rarely-used and never-duplicated 
"wall-spring with quarter spin", bringing the ending of Swan Lake: Deathmatch to a
marvellous finale.

Joel: Mortal Kombat.  Interpretive dance.  It could happen.

*"AHHHHH!!!!!" he screamed in pain.
*^Boy heís really pissed now!^
*Shotgun thought to himself.

Crow O-O¨: [as Shotgun] And look! My thoughts have little bat wings on them!

*Shao Kahn reached behind his back,
*and slammed a massive hammer into the floor
*where Shotgun was standing.

Tom O-O¨: Sometimes, you just need to go out and pound concrete.

*"I moved," Shotgun smiled. "AHHH! Damn you!!!!!"
*Kahn screamed full of fury.

Crow O-O¨: [as Khan] I'm furious because I have the brains of a turnip!!!!!

*He leaned forward and blasted
*a green spark from his eye. It slammed
*directly into Shotgunís chest.

Joel: Ugh.

Crow O-O¨: Don't worry, I'm not even going to touch this one.

Tom O-O¨: [shudders] That was just gross, especially in Text-O-Vision.  Joel, can you take
my glasses off for me?

Crow: NOOO! Don't give up! It'll get better! Text-O-Vision forever!

Tom: Thanks, Crow, but seeing eye-boogers in 3-D is not something I want to support.  Not at
the moment, anyway.

Joel leaned over to take off the ASCII glasses and put them back in the box under the movie-seat. Crow was sitting sulking.

"Text-O-Vision forever!" he repeated.

"I like them, I do, but... eye boogers... 3-D..." Tom protested. It didn't do any good. Joel reached out and patted Crow's head, but Crow just continued sulking. He and Tom exchanged glances and shrugs, then turned their attention back to the fanfic.


Crow O-O¨: [muttering] Text-O-Vision rules.  Grumble mumble grumble.

*While Shotgun was stunned,

Tom: [as Shotgun] Dude, did you see that? Out of his *eye*!

*Kahn rammed him with his good shoulder.

Crow O-O¨: If at first you don't succeed...

Tom: And here I thought that turnips were *intelligent* vegetables...

*When Shao Kahn rushed the second
*time, Shotgun was ready. Kahn came within
*a foot from Shotgun

Joel: [as Shotgun] 10 inches... 11... 11 and a half...

*and Shotgun kicked Shao Kahn with
*all his strength and might,

Tom: Or, just to be original and non-repetitive, his might and strength.

*right in the crotch. "OOMFF! Must
*have a wide foot, ya got both of 'em,"
*Kahn quivered holding his groin in pain.

Crow O-O¨: He still had the ability to make wise-cracks, it couldn't have hurt *that* bad.

Joel: [wincing] Oh yes it could have.

*Kahn fell flat on his face, and was engulfed in flames.

Tom: I think Khan needs a little Gold Bond Powder for that "lower-torso itch"...

Crow & Joel: TOM!

*"The war is over Kahn. For now. . ."

Crow O-O¨: Dare we hope and pray...?

*The End???

All: AAAAAAHHHH!

Joel: For the love of God, yes!

Tom: Please oh please oh please oh please...

Joel picked up Tom and the trio headed from the theatre, Crow taking off his ASCII glasses with a sigh.

"That was a lame-o fic even with the genius of Text-O-Vision," the bot complained. "That ending was pathetic!"

"What I don't understand," Tom began, as Joel set him down, "was how, if the *entire Pantheon* was unable to defeat Shang Tsung and Khan, it only took Shotgun about... let's see... ten minutes all together?"

Joel shrugged. "Like I pointed out earlier, Shotgun is a perfect example of a Gary Stu. A brooding, mysterious loner who lives by his own rules... who likes to blow up everything in sight... trained in every martial art..."

"If there were any chicks in the story, they'd be throwing themselves at him," Tom added helpfully.

"And they'd have huge hooters," Crow added. The other two stared at him. "What?"

"The point..." Joel cleared his throat, "is that Shotgun is a great example of why Gary Stus and MK are perfect partners in crime. Think about it--lots of people to blow up, tons of fight scenes, blood and gore everywhere--"

Crow coughed.

Joel sighed. "--lots of chicks with huge hooters... MK is a Gary Stu dreamworld."

There was a long pause.

"I suddenly have the urge to read Dea ex Machina, again," Tom announced. "Biku couldn't create a Mary Sue if she tried!"

"I don't know," Crow argued, as they headed off down the corridor. "I think that Jikan Tai's a pretty good candidate..."

Joel just shook his head. Another day, another deathmatch...


The REAL End.