Stream of Consciousness I

By The Time-Traveling, Astral Projecting Medieval Tibeten Monk

Biku's Note: This story was written by a friend of mine, and I 
hereby give him all the credit! He can have it!  I was going to 
format this particular literary masterpiece until I realised it 
lost a certain je-ne-sais-quoi if it was legible.  Enjoy.

"I command thee! Ahhh...yes. That is most
 definitely it, I command thee too ahh...." "Well.... what? You command
 me what! You can't just command someone to do
 nothing! Come on, lord all mighty gap! What is your command?" Nedyar 
gave his friend Fruz a dirty look. Nedyar and Fruz
 were technically gods. But only just. I don't know what kind of 
religon would take them... Well there's one in every crowd, or
 in this case, two. Nedyar was the god of oral hygiene, or in his case,
 the lack of it. He had a gap between his teeth that would
 rival the grand canyon. This was no ordinary gap, this gap was the 
source of all his dental power! A man could be sucked into
 that black abyss before he could say, "dental floss... yes really, I
 have been using it every day. Oh yes, most assuredly I brush
 every week... sometimes even twice. Have I heard about colgate? Why
 yes, it's a very good adhesive...". As you can see, this
 is a very slow black abyss. Fruz was the god of dog and/or cat food
 with stupid names that try very hard to be cute and
 endearing. He had a very special power as well... he could sing, "I
 want chicken, I want liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix, Please
 deliver!" 55636782 times consecutively. Or so he claimed, he'd never 
actually done it, that would take far to long. But in a
 pinch he could, should, and probably would use his fearsome powers. "I
 command thee to look into the gap... and see the
 future!" Frus looked into Nedyars fearsome gap, when the gods looked 
into the abyss, instead of seeing, well, a gap, they
 saw the future. He was entranced. Fruz's eyes turned somersaults 
inside their sockets. "I seee.... You, yes you, surrouinded
 by scantily clad women.... with huge... mrrfunk-" He choked when he 
tried to say it... Fruz was not good around large
 breasted women, he became distinctly feral. He would start to drool 
and choke. He tried to gain control of himself and
 continued. "I be gods! Look what she's doing with that....choke choke.
 I can't believe she can actually.....mumblememble.
 Wow... Now she's a, well.... I didn't think you could even do that to 
a banana! She's a taking off her... wow! How could she
 wear anything less! Look at that... mrmphhh! Woah baby... The futures
 looking good for you Nedyar! Looking good!"
 Nedyar snapped his mouth shut. He gave Fruz another dirty look... Why 
did Fruz get all the fun. Nedyar craned his neck,
 trying to look in his mouth (If only he had heard of a mirror. Gods 
may be powerful, but they definetly aren't smart.) "Well
 Fruz, I guess the only thing we can do is try and find these women... 
it sounds as if they are in a lot of distress." "Oh, I don't
 know about that. They seemed to be having a great time with you. Gee,
 I wish I was there with you." "Fruz.... I'm not there!
 I'm here with you, not them. No! Before you even ask, I will not sleep 
or otherwise do anything to you that those women
 were doing to you!" Nedyar had seen a look in Fruz's eyes that he 
hadn't liked. Gods didn't generally have a sexual
 orientation, unless they really want one. However, Nedyar did, and 
well, Fruz didn't. Because of the nature of Fruz's powers,
 he didn't really have a racial preference. Cat's, dogs, people, gods, 
in his opinion they were all pretty much the same. He had
 a little song; I want chicken, I want liver, meaow mix, meow mix,
 please deliver. He claims that this is some code. I don't even
 want to know what it means... however he can sing the song 55636782 
times... when his hormones were raging (always) he
 was not to be messed with. Fruz looked Nedyar in the eye, "Well 
actually, ahh, Nedyar. You know that vision... well I
 adapted it for your benifit. For one thing they weren't women they
 were, ahh, horny aardvarks. And, well, the bananas, were
 a... their, aah beaks. Aardvarks have beaks don' they? Maybe they were
 snouts.. I don't know... But, they looked sort of,
 well, you know, like phallic metafores (Definition of a metafore, an 
astral petticoat)." Fruz saw the stricken face on Nedyars
 face.... Nedyar tried very hard not to imagine what Fruz was getting 
at.... "So, they ahh are going to.... mumblemumble me?"
 "No, no! You have a sick mind Nedyar! They were destroying your 
altar!" 

Biku: Will there be a sequel? Only time will tell....