Stream of Consciousness I By The Time-Traveling, Astral Projecting Medieval Tibeten Monk Biku's Note: This story was written by a friend of mine, and I hereby give him all the credit! He can have it! I was going to format this particular literary masterpiece until I realised it lost a certain je-ne-sais-quoi if it was legible. Enjoy. "I command thee! Ahhh...yes. That is most definitely it, I command thee too ahh...." "Well.... what? You command me what! You can't just command someone to do nothing! Come on, lord all mighty gap! What is your command?" Nedyar gave his friend Fruz a dirty look. Nedyar and Fruz were technically gods. But only just. I don't know what kind of religon would take them... Well there's one in every crowd, or in this case, two. Nedyar was the god of oral hygiene, or in his case, the lack of it. He had a gap between his teeth that would rival the grand canyon. This was no ordinary gap, this gap was the source of all his dental power! A man could be sucked into that black abyss before he could say, "dental floss... yes really, I have been using it every day. Oh yes, most assuredly I brush every week... sometimes even twice. Have I heard about colgate? Why yes, it's a very good adhesive...". As you can see, this is a very slow black abyss. Fruz was the god of dog and/or cat food with stupid names that try very hard to be cute and endearing. He had a very special power as well... he could sing, "I want chicken, I want liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix, Please deliver!" 55636782 times consecutively. Or so he claimed, he'd never actually done it, that would take far to long. But in a pinch he could, should, and probably would use his fearsome powers. "I command thee to look into the gap... and see the future!" Frus looked into Nedyars fearsome gap, when the gods looked into the abyss, instead of seeing, well, a gap, they saw the future. He was entranced. Fruz's eyes turned somersaults inside their sockets. "I seee.... You, yes you, surrouinded by scantily clad women.... with huge... mrrfunk-" He choked when he tried to say it... Fruz was not good around large breasted women, he became distinctly feral. He would start to drool and choke. He tried to gain control of himself and continued. "I be gods! Look what she's doing with that....choke choke. I can't believe she can actually.....mumblememble. Wow... Now she's a, well.... I didn't think you could even do that to a banana! She's a taking off her... wow! How could she wear anything less! Look at that... mrmphhh! Woah baby... The futures looking good for you Nedyar! Looking good!" Nedyar snapped his mouth shut. He gave Fruz another dirty look... Why did Fruz get all the fun. Nedyar craned his neck, trying to look in his mouth (If only he had heard of a mirror. Gods may be powerful, but they definetly aren't smart.) "Well Fruz, I guess the only thing we can do is try and find these women... it sounds as if they are in a lot of distress." "Oh, I don't know about that. They seemed to be having a great time with you. Gee, I wish I was there with you." "Fruz.... I'm not there! I'm here with you, not them. No! Before you even ask, I will not sleep or otherwise do anything to you that those women were doing to you!" Nedyar had seen a look in Fruz's eyes that he hadn't liked. Gods didn't generally have a sexual orientation, unless they really want one. However, Nedyar did, and well, Fruz didn't. Because of the nature of Fruz's powers, he didn't really have a racial preference. Cat's, dogs, people, gods, in his opinion they were all pretty much the same. He had a little song; I want chicken, I want liver, meaow mix, meow mix, please deliver. He claims that this is some code. I don't even want to know what it means... however he can sing the song 55636782 times... when his hormones were raging (always) he was not to be messed with. Fruz looked Nedyar in the eye, "Well actually, ahh, Nedyar. You know that vision... well I adapted it for your benifit. For one thing they weren't women they were, ahh, horny aardvarks. And, well, the bananas, were a... their, aah beaks. Aardvarks have beaks don' they? Maybe they were snouts.. I don't know... But, they looked sort of, well, you know, like phallic metafores (Definition of a metafore, an astral petticoat)." Fruz saw the stricken face on Nedyars face.... Nedyar tried very hard not to imagine what Fruz was getting at.... "So, they ahh are going to.... mumblemumble me?" "No, no! You have a sick mind Nedyar! They were destroying your altar!"
Biku: Will there be a sequel? Only time will tell....